Hilarious shit my husband says.

So…my husband. He’s Canadian, right?

We both are, now, but I was BORN (and raised) IN THE USA!!! just like Bruce Springsteen.

And I love America, to be frank. I love it in a way I never loved it when I still lived there. I love it in its brashness, its tackiness, its cultural ridiculousness. I love it “in all the excellence of its excess.”

I love American news, American talk radio, American commercials, American flag stickers on cars, the Star-Spangled Banner, bald eagles. I love shit-slinging political chimpanzees. Just…everything. I think it’s amusing, yes, but at the same time, I love it in a completely unironic way.

Canadians…don’t. In fact, lots of Canadians are downright snotty about their disdain for Americans, mainly because they seem to think Americans are boorish, unfunny, and intellectually lazy.

Totally shocking, I know.

But I love this, because it gives me the opportunity to make people really uncomfortable simply by saying, “I’m American, you know.”

And they get all flustered and say things like “YOU’RE an American?” and “NO WAY” and “Well, I didn’t mean you.” And I heartily enjoy myself because, truly, I am an asshole through and through.

So, today, when an American said something about how THE WORLD MOCKS AMERICA BECAUSE WE’RE ALL SO FAT, my husband’s response was:

We don’t mock Americans for being fat. We mock them for electing Bush, for starting wars without UN consent, for being distastefully patriotic. Duh :-)

And it was just so…Canadian…of him. I love that.

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